Thus Sprach Ideabong
Diva asks: I am in a three year relationship with an older man. I had a feeling and checked my man’s text messages on his cell phone. Sure enough there were some more than friendly messages to his so-called “female friend from college”. He was saying how he thinks about her and so on! Now I am mad and want to flip but I don’t want to look like a snooper! Should I just leave him alone and make up a reason or tell him what I found? He obviously is not the one! And we have been talking about marriage lately!! Help me, I want to handle this in a Diva way! Thank you.
Ideabong says: Clearly this thing is over, and you are looking for a dramatic ending that allows you to walk away with your chin held high, and without admitting you never trusted him in the first place. By the way, lack of trust is a self-fulfilling prophecy in many cases. Now here’s what you do… and it is overkill, but do it anyway because revenge is cool. Get a second cell phone, and enter the new number in your contacts as whoever his best friend is, or maybe his brother or dad. Then get a really steamy text message exchange going between yourself and yourself posing as the best friend (or brother or dad). Pledge your undying love, and be sure to mention that the sex was the best you ever had, and there is no close second. Leave your phone around until he picks it up and does some snooping himself. Neither confirm nor deny anything when his world comes crashing down, just get a safe distance away. Done. You win.
DISCLAIMER: by following Ideabong’s advice, the individual consents to taking full responsibility for any and all murders that result.
Jennifer S Asks: My friend recently came to visit me, and he told me that I need to clear everything out from underneath my bed and place a good sized mirror face up under the bed. He said this will reflect my good feelings and well being back onto me while I sleep, and it may help in my love life. Is there any truth to this?
Ideabong says: The mirror that helps your love life should be above the bed don’t you think? That way you can watch all that freaky stuff you do from a different angle. I’m not sure I can buy into your friends mirror theory though. Even if mirrors could reflect feelings, not only would a mirror reflect good feelings back at you, it would also reflect your negative feelings onto you, so there is no net gain unless you are already in a generally good disposition, in which case, it ain’t broke so don’t fix it.
Donna C asks: I fell in love with a guy. But he says he’s gay and he has a boyfriend. Even though he says he’s gay I don’t think he actually is. He is tall, has a lot of muscles, and has a really manly voice. I think that he only thinks he’s gay because he told me that on his first day of high school some kids were making fun of him and called him homosexual. But I think that he might kinda like me too because I’ve already caught him looking at me then he suddenly turned around and pretended he wasn’t looking. What should I do? How do you think I could attract his attention?
Ideabong says: Newsflash: if he tells you he’s gay when he’s really not, then he has already rejected you in one of the nicest ways possible. If you choose to pursue the matter, he will likely have to tell you something you really don’t want to hear.
Suspicious Mind asks: Was the 1969 moon landing faked?
Ideabong says: Take a look at the evidence on both sides, and if that doesn’t help you make up your mind, then why not ask Neil Armstrong himself…? Oh ya, I know why, he doesn’t talk about it for some reason. By the way, under no circumstances should you ask Buzz Aldrin, as he has a history of violence against people who ask him that. Hmmm….
Trekkie 4 Life: Is William Shatner going to be our Governor General?
Ideabong says: Let’s hope so, but keep in mind, as GG, he may not be available for any more Star Trek sequels (and you know they’ll never end), which might really bum out a lot of nerds. The result may be that those nerds will not be stuck in front of a screen watching Shatner infinitely, and they may wind up leaving the house and socializing, which would not be good for mankind at all. I may have to start staying indoors as a precaution.
